The surefire way to remain miserable is to say you want one thing, but repeatedly do another.
You’ve been talking about losing weight for like ever now.
You start. You stop. You settle for less than what you know you want.
You try to sell yourself on the idea that, “Maybe I didn’t want to lose weight anyways”.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s it.”
But deep down you know you aren’t living the life you are meant to.
That’s where the unhappiness come from.
Think about it, if you didn’t care that you were out of shape and overweight, then you wouldn’t even be reading this right now.
But you are because you do.
Behaving out of alignment bring misery because you know better. And you know you can do better, but you don’t.
So I guess the question would be, “why”.
Why do you say you want one thing but do another instead?
Why do you take less than what you KNOW you deserve?
I think the answer is in the KNOW.
Do you really KNOW you deserve better?
You settle because of your beliefs about yourself.
I’ve been working on not settling in all areas of my life.
That’s new for me.
For as long as I can remember I subconsciously and often verbally would say things like, “Sure, that’s good enough for me.”
This has caused great discourse because I happen to have pretty expensive (and great) taste, if I do say so myself.
I can go in a moderately priced clothing store and manage to pick out the $350 tank top. It’s a gift, I guess. I know good shit when I see it. My husband finds this a hilarious talent of mine.
But I never would buy the tank top. Looking at the tag of a lesser priced top, I say, “I’ll take this one. It’s good enough for me”.
Sure that’s just a tank top, but I’ve done this is most every area of my life.
I’ve trained myself that I get what I thought I deserved and not what I wanted.
Cars. Siding. Hair color. Restaurants. Jobs. Relationships. An overcooked steak. My body. Life in general. I settled.
“Good enough for good ole Melissa. Who does she think she is wanting more? She doesn’t deserve something this nice. She is lucky to get anything at all.”
“She is lucky to have anything at all,” actual words spoken by my mother regularly throughout my childhood.
We don’t manufacture beliefs like this. They are ingrained in us and usually from a young age.
Subconscious thoughts like that made is okay for me to settle.
Subconscious thoughts that I didn’t deserve better than average, at best.
Subconscious thoughts that somehow the universe was giving me exactly what I deserved and that wasn’t much at all.
I would rather be unhappy than think of myself as selfish, conceded, or dare I say it, special.
“Who does she think she is?”
So I settled and kept all of the things I really wanted just out of arm's reach.
What’s interesting though, if you asked me to write down what I really wanted out of life, I could fill pages of a journal with audacious visions of sitting on the couch with Oprah, writing 5 books, group programs filled with thousands of women at a time.
Yet, when it came down to it, I wasn’t taking aligned action. I wasn’t moving forward making those things happen because deep down inside there was a little voice telling me that I was just a little selfish bitch who shouldn’t be such a dreamer.
Who would make the decision to act when they have thoughts like that running through their head?
Basically no one.
Once I made the decision that I wasn’t going to settle ever-fucking-again, I began to inspect all of my actions.
“Is checking Facebook really aligned with what I say I want?”
“Is halfassing my workouts aligned with what I say I want?”
“Is maintaining this relationship aligned with what I say I want?”
Or another way to look at it is…
“What would future Melissa think, feel, and do?”
“Would she choose to release the drama of it?”
Uh, yes, yes she would. How else is she going to create enough magic to find herself sitting across from Oprah one day?
Once I made the decision to never settle again, I began to act like a woman who doesn’t need to settle.
But therein lies the most important aspect of digging yourself out of your own misery….
YOU MUST TAKE PROPER ACTION or the universe isn’t going to give you shit.
The universe is giving you exactly what you THINK you deserve. Act accordingly.
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