Updated: Jul 16, 2019
As an awkward chunky teenager, I wanted nothing more than to be petite.
I had decided that only the prettiest girls where pocket-sized.
I came to this belief about the female form because my brother dated only the tiniest of teenaged girls.
Obliviously, to me, he was the coolest of the cool and if he liked girls like that; than I would need to be itty bitty for boys to like me.
Although most of his relationships were toxic, he certainly seemed to be crazy about most of them and I wanted that for myself so badly.
And so began my quest of "getting tiny".
Mind you, at this point it's the 90's (aka the Fat-Free Food and diet pill area). I promptly purchased over-the-counter diets pills which, at the time, had ephedra in them.
Ephedra is now banned because it can cause serious injury or death.
It's basically no joke.
With all the classic markers for a potential addict, shortly after starting these pills I began to abuse them. I had lost upwards of 18 pounds within a matter of weeks, and was taken 2.5 the recommended dosage of Metabolife.
My still forming brain I thought, "More pills, faster results".
In short order I lost 32 pounds but not without it consequences. I began to experience "blood in my stool". Yup, I was bleeding out of my ass.......at 19.
If that wasn't fun enough, the colonoscopy I would have 3 weeks later certainly was.
No more diet pills for Melissa. As fast as my results came, they slipped through my fingers twice that speed and then some.
I wanted to be tiny.
I wanted to be lovable.
I wanted it now.
Let me count the number of ways I went about this wrong.....
#1. I wanted to be tiny.
I 100% get the desire to be smaller. I know that so many of you feel the same way. This has never been more evident than in family photos posted on Facebook....mothers using their children as human shields or holding the camera at what seems a good 1/8 of a mile into the sky to "get dat angle". I know you think you are tricking people, but you aren't.
Listen..I get it. I did it too.
I really do understand the desire to downsize your body.
HOWEVER, N.O.T.H.I.N.G. changed for me until I stopped worrying about getting smaller and started focusing on getting stronger.
Once I began to workout for performance, my body rewarded me. The fat loss was simply an added benefit.
I see so many of you trying to get small, you workout too much and eat too little, and you can't understand why weight loss is so hard.
Instead, if you were to focus on eating MORE food of better quality while getting in shorter...purposeful workouts, you could free yourself from the diet death spiral like I did.
#2. I wanted to be lovable.
Here is the thing about weight loss, it's a lot like money.....
You think you're going to be happy when you reach your goal so you wait to be happy.
But you will find...once you reach your goal...you still won't be happy because as you've grown throughout your weight loss journey.....so has your definition of "the perfect body".
You will chase happiness and acceptance when you are currently the most wonderful and lovable person ever just as you are.
The weight loss isn't going to make you more worthy, it will just give you more confidence and energy. That's it.
#3. I wanted it now.
I wanted easy and immediate results because .....isn't that the American way? I wanted it handed to me. I didn't want to have to work too hard for it cause you know.. "I'm so busy".
I mean this with love, but I see so many of you not paying your dues. You want to go from down right abusing your body ------> to a goddess-like state in 3 weeks.
YOU MUST PAY YOUR DUES TO THE WEIGHT LOSS GODS.
That's truly the way I look at it.
If having a great body was easy, everyone would have it. No one is giving out Oscars to people who have been trying to get work in Hollywood for 3 weeks. No one is giving you your dream body after you've shown up for 7 workouts no matter what any fad-diet advertisement tries to tell you.
Seriously, I love you, but get over yourself. Life is hard. Show the fuck up (and consistently, not just 3 weeks).
Pay your dues. Show the universe that you DESERVE this body by eating healthy food that fuels it and exercising those places you want muscle.
There is no shortcut. That's why a great body is so coveted...we look at people with great bodies and MOTHERFUCKING KNOW they worked their ass off for it....
you don't get preferential treatment boo.
You just don't.
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