• hellobadmelissa

Stop searching for this...

Updated: Dec 18, 2020

On a recent episode of the Bad Bitches Losing Weight Podcast, "When everything feels like it's falling apart," I shared my take on the story of Robot Minsky who, after witnessing the death of his "parent," was left to roam the earth alone for millions of years. The only words Robot Minsky spoke were, "I can help."

No matter who abused him, no matter how tired he was, Robot Minsky roamed the earth offering his help to anyone and everyone. The story ends with Robot Minsky's final mission of answering the call to end his own robot life.

A heartbreaking end for a tortured robot as the command provided Robot Minsky with the only thing he ever wanted... to be of use...helpful.

I watched and cried as Robot Minsky said his final, "I can help," flipped his switch and powered down - and I haven't been the same since.

I saw myself in that robot. I felt the pain of witnessing traumatic events as a child. I know the feeling of "just wanting to help" more than wanting most anything in the world.

The Robot Minsky haunted me.

Just a few days after watching Robot Minsky, I spotted him in dog-toy plush form at the local doggy boutique. He, and roughly 10 others just like him, were plopped in a basket right in front of the cash register.

I couldn't leave him there all alone. It broke my heart seeing him looking at me like that. Buying that $28 dog toy seemed like the right thing to do to honor a fellow people-pleaser - so I took him home with me.

After a few days of caring gently for him, squeaking his squeaker, and saying, "I can help" in my best Robot Minsky voice, I allowed my dog to do what dogs do to dog toys. Tossing the toy to the dog felt a lot like throwing an old letter into a fire. Robot Minsky was a plushie-robot sacrifice.

I watch in pain as my dog ripped at Robot Minsky's stitching. How could he do that?

I found it "funny" that I had more compassion for a plushie-robot than I did for myself.

I found it "funny" that I could only identify the pain in a story I watched but semi-oblivious to my own experience.

I found it "funny" that there was a piece of me, deep in my soul, that wouldn't let the story of Robot Minsky go because I knew it was a message for me - and a message for you.

I'm sorry you've been hurt.

That's the message.

I'm sorry you've had to go through what you've gone through. I'm sorry there are certain people who "should" be there for you but they aren't. It's not right and it's not fair and I'm really sorry that a wonderful, kind, loving, tender, considerate, helpful person such as yourself did not get what you needed.

If they won't acknowledge your pain, Robot Minsky and I will.

Allow the search to be over. You are already loved as much as a human could possibly be loved. You are safe and enough.

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And remember, there is nothing you need to do to be loveable. You are easy to love.

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