You wouldn’t believe the sheer volume of direct messages I get on a daily basis from women seeking (even demanding) free coaching/support/information/attention.
I'm not talking about my lovely current clients with questions or the "I'd love to learn more about this program".
I'm talking extremes here.....self righteous behavior.
I used to get super mad about this.
It felt restrictive and heavy, like my throat was tightening.
I found this so frustrating that I would say to myself things like,
“Where the fuck does this woman get off thinking she can just DM me at 11:30 at night with her wordy 3 paragraph life story?!”
“How does she not know how wrong this is?”
“What planet is this woman on?”
BUT my lovely Bad Bitch, THIS is where I had to take ownership and grow the fuck up. I was playing the victim.
These women find messaging me totally reasonable because they are the exact same ladies who:
over-commit to things solely because “she doesn’t want to seem like a bitch” and worries what people will think of her if she says no.
tells her husband she “isn't putting up with “it” anymore” when she totally will and he knows it.
continues to watch her sister’s bratty kids for free even though she is secretly resentful AF.
with total certainty, she says things like, “I don’t want to have to tell you what I want. I want you to know.” When what she means is, “I’m not good at effectively communicating my needs so I want you to read my mind.”
In short, these DMing divas drop into my chat without a second thought because they don’t hold boundaries in their own lives.
They don’t even know what boundaries are.
I’ve shifted my thoughts around this as I’ve matured and grown into my business.
Now I see those message for what they truly are….
An opportunity for me to show them exactly what healthy boundaries look like.
Yup, totally free of charge they learn Lesson #1 of How to Be a Bad Bitch with Boundaries.
I kindly let them know that I don’t offer this service for free but would truly love to set aside some time in my calendar to hear more about them and what they need. I provide a payment and calendar link.
Done and done. Free and released. I'm not a bad person for having healthy boundaries. I teach people how to treat me.
This is all good news because once you accept that no one owes you anything, you also know that you don’t owe anyone anything.
So, if you are the kind of lady who has loose boundaries because you fear what people will think, say, or if you’ll be rejected, KNOWING THAT YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE ANYTHING will set you free.
Don’t want to be on the PTA next year? DON’T
Sick of your friend cancelling on you last minute? DON’T ALLOW HER TO RESCHEDULE
Frustrated with letting your neighbors dog out for free all the time? KINDLY LET HER KNOW IT WON’T WORK FOR YOU ANYMORE.
If you chose to do those things because you're worried about what people will think, then know that's on you. No one is making you do anything. You can be...
Done and done. Free and released. You are not a bad person for having healthy boundaries. You teach people how to treat YOU.
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