Episode #88: Convert Bitchy Judgement into Self-Coaching

Updated: Nov 14, 2019

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One of my girlfriends, she keeps going after guys that are out of her league.

Super bitchy thing to say, but stay with me.

The guys she goes after are high-achieving professionals who clearly have mastered many areas of their lives, including the gym if ya know what I'm saying. 🖤

Over wine we talk about her "dating life" + over + over again she cries about getting her heart broken. None of the guys she has recently gone out with has shown interest in a second date.

I'm sure dating in your 40's in 2019 is NOT FUN but I would argue it's probably more fun that it was in 1950.

Either way, I get it BUT....

I couldn't help but think this very bitchy thought....

"Who does she think she is?"

I'll go on...

"Who does she think she is to ONLY consider guys that are high-powered professionals who have balanced business + personal life?.....guys that are super interesting with wild stories of traveling abroad....guys who read actual books on the regular. Who does she think she is to DEMAND these things when she isn't willing to ALSO be those things."

Her "career" is more of a job.

She doesn't care much about self-mastery + I'm putting that lightly.

She is a lovely [+ gorgeous] woman, but she kind of thinks she is better than the kind of guys that seem to be a closer energetic match to her.

"Who does she think she is?" Kept coming up for me.

I thought, "She really has a few choices here.....

  1. Shift focus to improving her own life + naturally her perfect match will find his way to her

  2. Start dating guys that are a better match for who she is now

  3. Stay disappointed + keep getting her heart broken

This whole thing sat with me for DAYS.

It was driving me nuts. So much so that I thought, "WTF is up Melissa? Why is this triggering you so bad? Who cares what she does, just love her + listen to her regardless."

But you know what I came to understand, THIS had nothing to do with her.

THIS was all about me.

I could so clearly see where she was going wrong because, as I like to say,

"It's easier to read the label when you're on the outside of the jar."


"Who do I think I am?"

There are things that I want, it's not a man, cause I already have a man, but there's things that I want so badly right now.....

And I am proclaiming to the world daily BUT if I'm being honest, I sometimes forget to be an energetic match for the things.

  • Sometimes I check Facebook too often

  • Sometimes I avoid adulting

  • Sometimes I eat my feelings

  • Sometimes I create drama for the sake of it

  • Sometimes, + I hate this saying, sometimes I play small because I'm still processing the fact that I'm getting everything I dreamed of + it scares the fuck out of me so I self-sabotage because I struggle with thoughts of not being worthy of all of this.

The things are the things. The reasons are the reasons, but when it comes down to it, I have all the wants + desires but I'm not fully showing up to receive them.

I know this sounds obvious, but it's not enough to want something.

You need to be an actual factual energetic match to receive it + you must believe you deserve it in order to keep it.



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