Episode #120: The 5 D's of Weight Loss Motivation

Updated: Feb 27

Most weight loss journeys fail because they are missing one of these....


We make change when we come to a point that our current situation is bad enough that we are willing to put ourselves in uncharted waters to try to do things differently. There is no way around this. No one can teach you how to cultivate desire. If they tried to that would be better described as manipulating you into temporarily doing something. That might look like a spouse saying negative things about your weight or your sister guilting you into joining Orange Theory with her when you have zero desire. It doesn't stick. You need to desire weight loss for you.


It's quite normal to desire weight loss but not make a decision to commit for some time. We call this the contemplation phase. But, if you aren't careful you can sit in this contemplation purgatory forever.

Remember, you are always deciding whether you realize it or not. Not deciding is a decision not decide.

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Most often women get stuck in contemplation phase because of overwhelm and/or fear. Perhaps you fear failing. You worry what people might think. You've failed in the past so you figure, "What's the point now?", but you know damn well the point. The point is that you are massively unhappy with your current status. So you spin in circles deciding not to decide.

You can decide by simply commiting to a thought that you can believe. The moment you believe it, it is yours. Examples of healthy thoughts are:

  • I may not have all the answers, but I know that I'm not quitting.

  • When I stumble [and I will] I will use that information to teach me something.

  • Everything is either a win or a lesson.

  • I'm not supposed to be good at this yet as I'm learning something new, but I know I will continue to get better and better.


In order to make change, you've got to make yourself uncomfortable. Strength training demands grit and thought management that carries over into other aspects of your life.

For example, talking yourself into finishing a particularly difficult set of shoulder presses is not unlike talking yourself out of a bowl of ice cream. Once you fully believe that you have the ability to withstand discomfort, you've got weight loss locked down.


FACT: If you create enough drama around doing the work, you won't do the work. Which just might be exactly what you wanted [ouch but true, maybe because you are scared. It's normal] Bratty children consistently throw temper tantrums because somewhere along the lines they learned that doing so got them what they wanted, whether it be a piece of candy or out of doing something they didn't want to do. Either way, it's a manipulation tactic + it works.

This is why so many women thrive at their career but can't get their fitness + nutrition together.

They NEED to be told what to do.

They NEED consequences from authority.

They NEED someone else to set the expectations.

They NEED someone else to be the responsible party.

This isn't about not believing you are worthy of weight loss. This is about wanting to stay the child of your own life because it's so much easier being the child, acting a fool, doing whatever the hell you want + ultimately never having to do anything you don't want to do. It's much harder being the parent, setting expectations, holding them even when it's uncomfortable + choosing to say "no" to that firstclass asshole with the face of an angel, even when she is stomping around the grocery store screaming, "I want Doritos!" at the top of her lungs.

If you find yourself "acting like a child", name the behavior that. "Oh, look at Bratty Betty trying to get her way again". Defuse it. Make it fun. Don't make it mean something about you. Remember, this isn't YOU being a baby, this is just part of your personality that you want to work on. You totally get to decide that Bratty Betty doesn't know what's good for her and that you are the adult.


If you don’t have a solid plan, you are toast. I cannot reiterate this enough, if you are overweight your number one priority should be building muscle and nutrition. Please for the love of all that is holy, STOP the cardio and food restriction. If you don't have a plan, get one. You must know where to point your desire, decision, discomfort, and discipline. It should be something you don't even need to question. You must know exactly what you need to do, when you are doing it, how you are doing it, and why you are doing it that way.

If you are interested in learning:

  • How to think like the sexy-hot fit AF version of yourself. to become the sexy-hot fit A version of you.

  • 3 absolute nutrition deal-breakers that are leaving most dieters in the dust.

  • The #1 most important exercise to implement for maximum fat-melting impact.

  • 5 mandatory neuroscience-backed habit-forming practices that change the weight loss game.  

XO, Melissa

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